I know who I am, but I don’t know who I should be. The face I’ve put up far too long is slowly slipping, and I’m left not only trying to pick myself up, but wonder whether this is for the best.
If I should let the monster control me, or continue trying to control it.>>
I don’t want you anymore.>>
(talking to her mom)
t- we have no plans. our friends didn’t come.
t’s mom- oh that’s too bad… just get high.
She’s right in telling me that he’s not worth it. Not because he fucked up, but because I deserve better. And though sometimes it feels as though she’s tearing me down, I realize she’s only trying to make me stronger. And it’s slowly working.>>
Contrary to what everyone thinks, I do have a heart.>>
No one to talk to, no one that cares. Even my best friend would rather be having a one night stand, then seeing me after I’ve come back from vacation and spent the day in the hospital.
And it’s times like these that I’m reminded how alone I am.>>
I guess you just forgot about me, became uninterested. Happens all the time. And then I sit here pitying myself and wishing for a hug.>>
There are times where all I want is for you to say something incredibly sweet and make my heart soar the way it hasn’t in far too long. Times where I wish you could sweep me off my feet, because that’s the one thing I want most right now.
And then there are times where I want nothing to do with you, because I’m completely aware of your intentions.
But it seems that my heart wins this internal battle, because I’m still lusting after you as if it were day one.>>
And right when I thought everything was done and over with, you reel me back in.>>
I’m not quite sure what to expect tomorrow.
I don’t know if I want him anymore.
That excitement is gone.>>
Strong arms holding me.
Kisses. Words of love. Lust.
Carry me away to times when I smiled.
Like the wind, never stopping, only slowing.>>
“I’m just drunk enough to let go of my pain.
To hell with my pride,
let it fall like rain from my eyes.
Tonight I want to cry.”>>
Where did you run off to again?
Seems like once more you’ve disappeared from my life.
But I’ve dealt with this before.
Just smoke till I get high, drop the pills.
It’ll be alright.
I’m lusting after someone I can’t have. Someone I don’t want.
But yet, he’s still on my mind.
I didn’t mean for it to get this far.>>
This is not how things are supposed to happen.
This is too much.>>